Dear Diary: Donald Trump is President and Other Things

Dear Diary: Donald Trump is President and Other Things

In her monthly column for V, Liz Nistico, on half of pop duo Holychild, takes us into her world, her mind, and her experiences as an artist in an industry fixated on polished personae.

In her monthly column for V, Liz Nistico, on half of pop duo Holychild, takes us into her world, her mind, and her experiences as an artist in an industry fixated on polished personae.

Text: LIZ NISTICO

January 10, 2017

Here are the facts: Louie and I have been working on the album every day. The alley cat around my house sleeps directly above me on my thin roof every night. Donald Trump is president (I’ll spare you the details). I’ve barely been writing, but I do feel like I know myself more than ever. I understand that I am affected by Los Angeles.

I have been having a hard time distinguishing reality and my dreams. Throughout my days I have strong triggers that take me back to my sleeping state. I’ll remember where I was or with whom or what I was doing. Then I will look around with my open, awake eyes and I will be unable to understand which reality it is I’m living. This used to happen to me in college, but I suppressed it like a good little girl. But now I’m back in it and my dreams taste so good that I’m happy to slip there. Later in my day, though, when reflecting or talking to someone about what happened, I have a very hard time holding those memories in separate realms.

Anyway the cat’s name is Terry and he waits around the entrance to my room every day. If I get home late he’ll be in the bushes and jump at me when I walk up the stairs to the house. Some mornings he moans so loud outside my window he sounds like a baby having sex. It’s as weird as it sounds.

January 14, 2017

It’s new and real. The baptism occurred in fucking Joshua Tree and I made a mess out of some people’s record collection (this is why I’m unfit for vinyl). Things I want to remember are:

  1. You are in control go the energy around you
  2. While you are moving forward, you are still composed of your past
  3. The stars are a thousand digital spiders and they are all connected by an energetic rainbow web
  4. Your space is yours whenever you want it!
  5. You always feel safe!
  6. Last but not least, you are an “artiste,” little girl!

January 19, 2017

I’m new, I’m new, I’m new. And high, and blonde. So blonde. I’m at Pine and Crane. Silver Lake is the most trendy but I fit in now more than ever. I want to be “HOT.” What does that mean? Blonde and pretty? How long will this last? My desire to be beautiful that is.

Last year I was standing with a rich and fringe famous man. I say fringe because he himself is not known, but his family is, therefore he feels the rays of sunshine hotter than us mortals. Anyway, he told me I was beautiful. He inspected my face and he held my chin and turned it one direction to another. “You’re beautiful from every angle!” That night I was very honored because this almost-king cohorts with models and celebrities and he thought *I* was pretty?! In the morning I was disgusted with myself that I valued this asshole’s perception of my beauty more than my own and I chopped my hair up to my ears.

January 23, 2017

At 23, I would talk about “aging” and I wondered why it was an awkward conversation. Why were women older than me in their 20s or 30s quiet? Did they not care? Did they already learn how to cope? Now I understand their silence. The ideal female is not older than 25 and if “aging” is mentioned and you’re “past your prime” it’s impossible not to feel a wrinkle forming in your face, or see the bulging veins in your hands. Even though these things are irrelevant, you are still stuck in the self-absorbed mentality of adolescence and therefore, you assume that other people notice your flaws too. But they’re not flaws and nobody notices them anymore than they notice the color of your hair. I promise no one has as much stock in it as you think. But you were just so youthful! You were just so plump! And that’s what you were valued for! So when you turn 27, 28, 29 and 30 you don’t want to discuss AGE because you’re denying it. You’re holding on to the only version of yourself that you know. And then when you turn 31, 32, 35, 40 and 50 you’ve learned to deal with it more. You’re no longer terrified but you are bored of the topic. So you say nothing and let the fading youth fend for themselves. Is that the cycle? Surely we can shake it up a bit.

xoxox,

Liz

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