Dear Diary: Back In L.A.

Dear Diary: Back In L.A.

In Her Monthly Column For V, Liz Nistico, One Half Of Pop Duo Holychild, Takes Us Into Her World, Her Mind, And Her Experiences As An Artist In An Industry Fixated On Polished Personae. Here, She Opens Up About The Highs And Lows And All Things That Glitter But Are Rarely Gold

In Her Monthly Column For V, Liz Nistico, One Half Of Pop Duo Holychild, Takes Us Into Her World, Her Mind, And Her Experiences As An Artist In An Industry Fixated On Polished Personae. Here, She Opens Up About The Highs And Lows And All Things That Glitter But Are Rarely Gold

Hi, I’m back in LA for now. This is my mind this month:

May 8

There’s so much I want to say that I won’t admit. I’m flying; I hope you are, too. We were all beneath the man-made tree and I wanted my pen to follow my thoughts like Virginia Woolf stream of consciousness. I think I’ve fallen out of being well read, and I hope I don’t altogether lose my culture soon.

Anyway, Lord Byron is gone. Louie and I fought, and I am no longer the same as I used to be.

May 9

I’m ready to manifest all of my dreams. How?

- be healthy

- meditate

- sleep alone more

- disconnect from internet

- stop smoking so much weed

- one-on-one time with friends only

- read more

- self realization center daily

- don’t care what other people think

^ don’t overthink

- work out everyday

- eat well

- find love

- love yourself

- channel everything into art

- remember to stay grounded

May 10

Back in LA and living for the anticipation of: the arrival of lovers, releasing new music, the future, the future becoming the past.

May 11

“And it dawned on me that I might have to change my inner thought patterns... that I would have to start believing in possibilities that I wouldn't have allowed before, that I had been closing my creativity down to a very narrow, controllable scale... that things had become too familiar and I might have to disorientate myself.” - Bob Dylan

May 12

I saw Jancarlo today and he told me I’m a flower forever in bloom. He drove me to my house and I programmed all his radio presets.

May 14

I plan to write about everything, but I haven’t done it yet. By everything I mean: walking to the self-realization center and embracing rosemary along the way. Having the thought that this might be another day that I will soon forget. Seeing the couple at the top of the canyon that I ran down and when I came back up. Watching them go into their gated house, I realized I knew that house from the party Alex took me to where I met the Native American Shaman 3 years earlier. On my way back from meditating, I saw the same orange cat I dreamt, and I laughed at the silly dream interpretation I was given [insert me on the bed naked at noon typing in “cat” into the dream bible; insert my dream of us on the piers and the orange cat and the man who said I can’t go swimming til it warms up] but really I took it as a sign and felt it made up for the Jesus Saves bullshit that the universe deprived me of [insert the two identical Jesus Saves signs I saw last night, one in red lights and one on the other side of town in blue writing and my wish to see a yellow one so I know the universe is watching me]. On my way back from the SRF, I crossed the street and a boy from the passenger side of a car was waving and I smiled and it was Josh and I laughed because he’s sweet [insert me on my knees helping his grandmother with her dogs and he, who skate boarded by 3 minutes earlier, smiling and introducing himself and the grandmother not caring about young love or whatever iteration this may be].

May 18

— wrote “2016 is almost over G O A L S” —

May 23

The TV is depressing. I want to go back to my dreams. At least my nails look nice.

May 23 (later)

—wrote a shitty poem, I’ll spare you—

May 24

—wrote a happy birthday/I hate you/I miss you letter but I’m too nervous to publish it and it’s not eloquent enough to express my emotions, when will this end? Maybe I’ll get the words out someday—

May 31

“Rotten Teeth” is out. A new era is starting. I feel giddy for change.

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