Dear Diary: Anticipation is Exciting

Dear Diary: Anticipation is Exciting

In Her Monthly Column For V, Liz Nistico, One Half Of Pop Duo Holychild, Takes Us Into Her World, Her Mind, And Her Experiences As An Artist In An Industry Fixated On Polished Personae. Here, She Opens Up About The Highs And Lows And All Things That Glitter But Are Rarely Gold

In Her Monthly Column For V, Liz Nistico, One Half Of Pop Duo Holychild, Takes Us Into Her World, Her Mind, And Her Experiences As An Artist In An Industry Fixated On Polished Personae. Here, She Opens Up About The Highs And Lows And All Things That Glitter But Are Rarely Gold

Text: LIZ NISTICO

July 9

There were small sections and a few caught my eye: “Eastern Religion,” “Philosophy,” “Literary Erotica.” I spent most of my time in the “Diaries and Letters” category perusing journals for someone as uncertain as me. My other time was spent looking for Joyce, which I didn't find, and stumbling upon Ginsberg who has been absent from my repertoire. Kurt Vonnegut, Kafka and Hunter S. Thompson appealed to me as well, but I had to leave because I didn't actually have money.

I’m not sure why I was in Atwater. To kill time, buy a smoothie, revisit my past, understand the present? When I arrived I saw the same tarot truck that was there one year ago, with the same girl who had told me my love was pure. I wanted more than anything to spend my last dimes on her so she could tell me what to do but I know the answer won’t come from her anyway.

In the crystal shop, I tried on jasmine and other oils while energetic tribal music played. It must have been from South East Asia but I wasn’t in the mood to hear it. A woman asked something to the lady at the counter and she replied: “I’m an amateur astrologer, you?” “I’m a medium.” I wanted to shout. “Me too! I see things! I feel something at night when I go to bed and my heart is racing and I wonder how I can possibly be alone! How did you know? Did you train? Can I train?” But I kept my head down and I didn’t say anything to either woman. Everything is new, I’m still finding myself.

These are questions I’d like God/my ancestors/ my greater self/the oneness of the universe to answer:

Is everything ok? How can I heal? Can you lend me the power to do so? Now that I’ve found you will we be together forever? Can you give me the strength to be alone? Can you give me the courage to change my life? Do I already have these abilities? Will you give me peace to enjoy myself? I want to have fun! Have we always known each other? How can we be closer? Can you show me you’re there every day?

July 11

Anticipation is enticing

I need what I don’t know

It’s so exciting to have love lingering in the future

July 26

The avocado was like butter and while it was in two, as I scooped out the giant brown sphere, I noticed a long black hair wound around the seed. I knew it was yours.

July 27

It’s your birthday

but I’m resisting the urge to call you

so you can know

I’ve forgotten about you

July 27

So hungry

No money

This is a poem of how

I’m going to overdraft my account for a roll of sushi

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