Hillary Clinton’s Best Jokes from Last Night’s Charity Dinner

Hillary Clinton’s Best Jokes from Last Night’s Charity Dinner

Clinton delivered her classic dry jokes with the perfect side smile for the annual Catholic fundraiser to support needy children.

Clinton delivered her classic dry jokes with the perfect side smile for the annual Catholic fundraiser to support needy children.

Text: Kate Ramsay

Following Wednesday’s final presidential debate, the two candidates took up arms in a charity dinner. The light-hearted evening, naturally, prompted a few comedically-delivered insults. The annual bipartisan fundraiser to support needy children provided a new, more liberating, platform for Clinton to have the last laugh (literally) before Election Day. Clinton respectfully rose to the occasion but didn't miss the opportunity to mock her opponent, humbly laughing at her own expense, as well.

Here, we round them all up for your pleasure.


This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule. It is a treat for all of you, too, because, usually, I charge a lot for speeches like this.

There are a lot of friendly faces in this room. I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables. And you look so good in your tuxes  or as I refer to them, formal pantsuits.

And because this dinner is for such a great cause, Donald, if at any time you don’t like what I’m saying, feel free to stand up and shout "wrong" while I’m talking.

Come to think of it, it’s amazing I am appearing after Donald. I did not think he would be okay with a peaceful transition of power. And, Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.

People look at the Statue of Liberty and see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a 4, maybe a 5 if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.

People say, and I hear them, they say I’m boring compared to Donald, but I’m not boring at all. In fact, I am the life of every party I attended, and I have been to three.

I had to listen to Donald for three full debates, and he says I don’t have any stamina. That is four and a half hours. I have now stood next to Donald Trump longer than any of his campaign managers.

Donald really is as healthy as a horse. You know, the one that Vladimir Putin rides around on.

I said no to some jokes that I thought were over the line, but I suppose you can judge for yourself on WikiLeaks in the next few days.

Your eminence, you do deserve great credit for bringing together two people who've been at each other's throats—mortal enemies, bitter foes. I've got to ask—How did you get the governor and mayor here together tonight.

Just to be clear, I think the Cardinal is saying I'm not eligible for sainthood, but getting through these three debates with Donald has to count as a miracle. So I guess I'm up against the highest, hardest, stained-glass ceiling.

UP NEXT

Mysterious Pop Trio Terror Jr Break Down Their Debut EP 'Bop City'